SUCH SORROW

16 08 2011

I once knew this wonderful family.  The lady was beautiful, the man so handsome.   No apparent problems.  When they married, it was with a huge, beautiful wedding in the biggest church in town, complete with all the bridesmaids and flowers and groomsmen and huge reception afterwards.  Everything was wonderful!

They started out their life together.  He had a good job, she was a housewife and soon had a new baby on the way.  I remember being in their apartment one time and they didn’t seem to be too happy that day.  It was miserably hot and only a fan for cooling.  So I could understand why no one would be smiling just a whole lot.  They soon bought a home and life seemed wonderful once again.  After the first child came another and another and soon another one.  All boys.  She always wanted a girl, so eventually they adopted one.  Life was too good to be true.

Over the years, the father developed quite an alcohol problem.  And some of that was passed down to the boys as they grew up.  Trouble brewing.  The father continued to be a problem for many years.  The mother opted to stay in her bedroom almost all the time.  They lost touch with most of the world.  And the boys deteriorated.  One went to AA.  He got better and eventually had a better life.  Never did know just a lot about the boys as they grew up except what I heard from other people or read in the papers.

Then the youngest son deteriorated into being a really bad alcoholic.  He tried to work but could not.  Never had a family or anything to hang on to.  He finally killed himself at a very young age.  The father developed cancer and died in a hospital.  The mother didn’t live much longer herself.

Then today, I read where one of the boys was killed in a motorcycle accident.  He was 55.  And I am so sorry for so much sorrow.

Great beginnings.  Life just demanded too much day after day.  What a shame.  What a great sorrow for everyone.  What do you do.  How do you avoid such deep and lasting sorrow.  Just cluster together and help each other, that’s how.  Don’t write anyone off.  Everyone can be helped through love and understanding and  a closeness that only a family can bring to each other.  Stay close to your spouse and to your children.  Let them know you care.  Tell them often how much they all mean to you and mean it when you say it.

I contact or have contact with each of my children almost every day.  If I don’t hear from each of them every few days, I am on that phone or texting or emailing or doing something just to make sure they are alright.  I always let them know I care for them and for each member of their families.  I am there if they need me and they are there for me if I need them.  That is the way it is done.  Keep the doors open.  Keep the conversation flowing.  Love them.  Help them.  And maybe then there won’t be that uncalled for deep sorrow that this particular family endured day after day for many years.  It doesn’t matter what caused all the sorrow or how many arguments there were or what anyone said or did.  The point is to stay close as a family.  You know, that closeknit feeling that only a family can share together.  Who else do you know that knows all there is to know about you.  Who else was there when you were 4 or 10 or 20.  Always remember that.

Tell your family you love them.  If there are problems, work them out together or just learn to live with them.  Whatever happens, you are family.  Help each other!

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