7 06 2011

My husband died several years ago and I notice that I miss him less all the time.  But my parents died a long time ago and I notice that I miss them more all the time.  I wonder if this is a biological thing.

I don’t mean that I didn’t love my husband because I did.  And I have done my share of proper grieving.  But the grief is just dulled now.  But with my parents, the grief seems to grow over the years.  I think I sure would like to tell them something.   Or share a moment with them.  Or want them to see something special.  I think it is sort of strange.  Wonder why I have these feelings.  I think I’m a pretty normal person most of the time.

When my mother died, one of my children was expecting a new baby in a few months.  When that baby was born, I really wanted to tell my mother.  I thought about calling her all day.  I would be busy doing something and suddenly think – I need to call Mother and tell her about the baby.  And then I would realize I could not.  I even went so far as to pick up the telephone at one time, trying to call my mother to tell her about the new baby. I knew she would be so proud and happy about the baby that I really needed to tell her.

I’m sure she probably knew all about it anyway, but it would have been nice to tell her about it.  Oh well, guess all this is just a part of life.  Another thing I really don’t quite understand.  But I will sometime.